Major goal hit this week!

I am so very happy to announce that I finally dropped below 250 this week! This means I lost 38 lbs in five months. Not the rate I was hoping for but still making progress. But more importantly, I am making progress on my goal of replacing compulsive eating with God.

Since I have started this journey, I have begun to realize that idolizing food is more common than it first appeared. I have talked to many people who turn to overeating or starving instead of God to try and solve there problems.

When you break it down simply, how can anyone expect carb overload to help them solve their stress, their anxiety, or their grief? Yes, when you eat you get that endorphin high. You think you feel calmer as your body tries to get you to conserve energy while it switches to digestion overdrive. But those endorphins wear off and you still have your stressors that God should be helping you with, not the three helping of mashed potatoes and double chocolate cake. You try to give food the power of God and ignore God altogether.

The same is true for starving. You are replacing God's help with the high you get from using your self-discipline to overcome your body's basic needs. But as you feel the power-trip that you are able to out-will your body's needs, again it will wane off and you'll still have all those stressors that you are keeping from God. Instead of slowing down because your body simply cannot hold all your weight, you slow down because your body has nothing to work with. Granted, I do not understand this concept on a personal level because I am a compulsive overeater, but I can empathize about the struggle because the drive behind it is the same.

Making food your higher place is deadly. You either waste away to nothing or crush yourself with your own weight. It is not pretty but it is the price you pay for faults idols.

The biggest challenge for me as a compulsive overeater is that I am addicted to food. Generally, if I become obsessed with a particular something, I stop, full stop, and that solves the problem. Not always easy but the best way for me to have control over the problem. Well, I cannot stop eating all together. So the tricky part is that I have to continue eating and keep from worshiping my food instead of God.

I have the concepts, and I am happy to say I have abstained from overeating for a full two weeks now! Go me! I am praying better but still not as I should be and not to the point I was before I began worshiping food. But I am moving forward and if any of what I have said has struck a cord in any of you, my friends, than I feel good about sharing my troubles with you.

This is not an easy blog to type up for me, sharing my faults and stressors. I truly feel that I have a message that could help some people draw closer to God or even realize how worldly things can come between man and God. If I am able to help in this manner with even one person than this blog is so worth it!

Thanks for listening and see you next week!
(Thanksgiving has me quaking in my boots.)

Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat...

I was so excited this morning when I stepped on the scale and I had finally lost some weight. I guess my plateau has finally passed. I lost two pounds last week! Much better than the one pound last month.

Ah, the holidays are approaching. I love giving gifts! Those wise men started a great tradition! Unfortunately it is going to be slim gifts this year but it will still be a great time. Aren't birthdays awesome? But I will admit that I am terrified about the meals. I do love to eat! That is kind of my problem. But I also love putting up the tree! Shinny and sparkly! And the time it take with the kids and all the "I remember when we got this ornament!" It is a big part of the bonding for me. (I think we should have hot chocolate while we put the tree up this year.) And we are starting to develop a new tradition as the kids get older. We make the Santa treats just like we always have and even set it up next to the fire place. Then we gather all the stocking stuffers and frantically wrestle with each other's stockings as we try to stuff them and keep the other person from peeking. Then we all share the Santa treat! I truly hope to do this when there are grandchildren pretending to be asleep somewhere near.

We are going to have most of the family for turkey dinner. And my husband wants to have my eldest daughter for Christmas. I am not too happy about that but I think I can manage it for a day.

I had been working on trying to forgive her for her actions and most of the time I ended up crying my eyes out. It is hard to forgive someone who is not looking for forgiveness but feels completely justified in their transgressions against you. (Can forgiveness be given without there being remorse?)
Therefore, I am taking a different step and hope that perhaps the forgiveness will follow. I am now trying to accept her opinion of me. If I can figure out how to be comfortable with the fact that she thinks I should not be part of the family, maybe I can let go how hurt I am. It is just who she is. I did my best and she certainly did not like it. I cannot do any more. Our relationship is just that, dislike and distrust. It is what it is and we have to learn to live around that. No mater what happens, she is a huge part of my heart. Even if I do as I usually do and just never go around the people who actively work against me, she will still always be with me. I may have adopted her and not actually birthed her, but she is still my daughter in my heart.  I have always believed that holidays are for pulling family together.
My husband has a similar relationship with one of his brothers. The brother in question tried to take my stepson away from my husband. Katie tries to take all my kids from me. Hubby does not deal with it, but I have to. There is a part of me that resents that, but there is a part of me that knows I do not need to do this for other people. I just really wish I knew how to do this.

Well that is the holidays, the good, the bad and the ugly. I hope I can enjoy this holiday season and manage to keeping bringing down my higher place of food. Seems like a lot to manage but I have a feeling it is not more than most people have to manage. We all have a balancing act of family, friends and money during this time of year. It is a big part of what makes the Holidays exciting.

Iit's me again Margaret.

Here we are once again at my weekly blog time. This week just flew by for me. 

Halloween, ate too much but got plenty of exercise. It must have balanced out because I did not gain any weight. 

Spent the week getting Hattie ready for her new life as a legal adult. We got her college stuff ready and have been planning her birthday weekend. I am hoping she will throw in a little gift for me too and come to church with us on Sunday.

I did learn something this week but I do not really know what it means. I have talked previously about how I am struggling with my feeling toward my daughter and wanting to want to forgive her (that sounds strange). I learned that if I meditate on it for too long then I will spin myself in the exact opposite direction. I was working on trying to come to terms with how she has treated the family for the past three years and ended up extremely angry and crying for a day straight. I guess I am not going to be able to move forward on this until I see something that shows that she cares about the family and not just herself. Shoot, she does not even seem to care for herself from what I have seen. Whatever she is going through, I cannot grasp.

Well, there you go! That is all there was to me this week. No profound philosophy this week. 

Big birthday weekend. My girl turns 18 tomorrow.

Wish me luck!