Bad Kitty

Tragic week for me! I have been a bad bad kitty.  On my diet anyway.

I gained 2 pounds! I stepped on the scale and then tried it again. I did so well the second half of the week. But i guess it just does not make up for the first half of the week and going on an egg roll bender. And a cake ball bender. I tried out a cake ball recipe for a friend's birthday. They were great. So, I made some more a few days later. That same birthday party we had loompias. Traditionally these are little fried rolls of meat heaven! So I ate way too many while getting ready for the party. Then, two days latter I pulled out some more. Finally a friend of mine said I needed to figure a better way and insisted I figure out how to bake them instead. That at least help some. They were really good baked! But I still ate about 20 of them.

I managed to get to the gym three times this week. I am at the part of my plan that I am supposed to be going 4 - 5 times a week. I guess we will see. NO! Scratch that! I am doing it. I can barely lift my arms over my shoulders but I am still going. *so sore*

In summery, I started my diet weighing about 278 or so. I am down to 158. Wow! I just realized I lost two bags of potatoes. Sweet! That helped a little in getting over my 2 pound gain. I am just gonna work harder at staying to my diet this week. I am making more cake balls this weekend for a little party we are having for my youngest daughter's birthday. it s a little early but since she was born on labor day weekend, if we are gonna have friends for the birthday than we need to have it early. I cannot wait! BATH JUNKIE!!!!!! some hopefully the pops are a big ht and there will not be many leftovers.

I got back on board with praying for my diet again about Wednesday. I have had an easier time these past two days. I am also praying for my brother Jim as we come to a close on the construction on his house next week. It will be so good for him to have his house back. My husband also needs prayers as his work environment has become hostile and it is putting his job in danger. My Henry is facing quite a challenge this year as it seems that he missed out on education of any kind in 3rd grade.  I like to pray about friends who come to me with things to vent about or a shoulder to lean on, and my cousin as she is engaged with, most likely, the hardest job she will ever have. Staying at home with three very young kids. There seems to be so much going on, yet God still found the time to grant me diet strength these past few days. I am honored.

I think I am going to end on that happy note. My daughter Hattie says I need to think better of myself. Happy note endings are good for that kind of stuff.

Have a great week!

Bringing down my higher places.

Crazy week for this past week. Getting all the kids ready for school. Trying to adjust to student mode instead of earning money mode. Getting some spiritual rightness solidified in my head. Trying to acknowledge what is in my heart. Big stuff.

Where to start? Well, I generally start with my diet, so I will start there. I hit 256 this week which was my last goal. Next I will hit 250. I wonder every time I set a short term goal, "Am I going too light on myself?" I get very confused over the short-term goal thing. And then I will hear that little               self-defeating voice in my head saying "I have not really lost anything, this has all been water weight. A hamburger would make me feel better about it." I am starting to think of that voice as the devil's influence. I can get so obsessed with food sometimes that is seems nothing else exists.

The preacher at church is doing a sermon series he is calling Higher Places. What he means is the things we tend to idolize until they suddenly become more important than God. At that point you are worshiping an idol. I know two of mine. Unfortunately, neither are ones you can quit. Food and money.

Now, I have not let money get me too far away from God. But I was heading there. I was convincing myself that my job, the money I made, was most important. God blessed me with a wonderful bunch of children, and I have always believed that they are what God wants of me. But my job had me working nights and weekends. So I never saw my kids. I was convinced that there was no other way to support my family. On top of that, I was starting to think that if I could just make enough money, than my kids would be better off. I was thinking that they needed the money more than they needed me. And all that I was worth was what I was making. In just the one week I have been home from Walgreen's, there has been a huge difference at home. The idea of making more money to get things, was blinding me from the blessings and responsibility God gave me. It really took my husband pushing me to take the leap, for me to break from my path to idolizing money. I was convincing myself that money was better than being a mother to my kids. I am glad that I did not finish that path. We still need money, that will never change. I will still need to bring in a good amount of it, but I need to do it in a way that does not take me away from God's plan.

I have touched on how I idolize food. I have made food what controls my emotions, what controls my day, what controls a large part of my life. I turned food into my strength. God should be my strength. If I could stop eating I would. Tough through a few weeks of withdrawal (probably a few times), join a support group and remove it from my life. However, you don't live much of a life if you don't eat. Sure, someone might look at this and say, "there is always a liquid diet," but that person simply does not understand where I am coming from. Hopefully they never will. Idolizing food has made me a really good cook. Perk! But it is breaking down my body and literally killing me. My legs hurt most of the time. My feet hurt most of the time. I am depressed and have mood swings. I am tired most of the time. My idea that food cures everything is wrong. If I am craving really bad, I forget to pray. Something my husband has been struggling to get me to see for years. I do not mean just at the table. I stop praying.  Food can pull me away from God which means I am putting food before God. I am trying to change this. Part of why I started this blog.

I am not sure if I am in danger of any other higher places but it is possible. I know that to stop obsessing about food is going to be a battle for a while. And I will need God's help for that. I have been getting it, so I have hope for forgiveness. Maybe I am not as far gone as I fear. God loves me and I want to stay on this earth and enjoy the blessings God has granted.

One Goal Down!

I have tonight and tomorrow afternoon and then I am free from the job that has been dragging me down since they booted me out of the office and back to the stores. I will not longer be a retail reject but a Medical Transcriptionist. Go me. I cannot wait. Down side: No benefits. Up side: I will be home for the kids and I will never miss another holiday! Then there are all the other benefits that are more personal likes and dislikes that apply. I know that I will be not where I want in my skills for about 6 months to a year but I am starting a boring job that fascinates me. Kind of like when I was a Regional Pricing coordinator. (I really loved that job)

I lost one pound last week. But I am thinking I lost more than that because it is my time to pack on some weight due to water. But I will look like I lost a ton next week. :) I start my morning work outs week after next. Sharry's middle school is right next to the gym. So I will drop the kids off at school and work out before going home. Whoot! *gulp*

I am getting a bit better on my prayers this week. And with leaving Walgreen's I will be in church on Sunday morning!!!!

Gosh! I had a good week! How excited am I!?!

Working on Faith

I was heading into work the other day and saying my prayers as I drive. *It is about the only time I have that is quiet.* I prayed to God that I was afraid Vance and I were not doing the right thing with me prematurely quiting Walgreen's and all. That I was afraid we were not going where He wanted us but where we wanted us.

Later that day I was told that Walgreen's has phased out Assistant Managers all together in Ohio. This from a pharmacist in that area. I am taking that as God's sign to me that we are doing His will. I also could not help but inwardly gloat that my prediction of MGT's no longer being a part of the Walgreen's plan was accurate. If they stay with that or decide against it as a result of their efforts in Ohio, I am not so concerned about now. But I do feel that I made quite a connection with God that day and am less concerned about making the right move in our lives.

Now, I have to finish putting it in God's hands to worry about what is coming next. Sitting back and letting it happen has not been my strongest quality. I am a bit of a control freak. But I need to give up that control so God can guide us. After all, he can see the road and I am really only looking at the car in front of me. It is much safer to let him drive. He can see farther in front than I.

With three shifts left that has been on my mind a lot these past few days. Hope I can be in a better mood.