Happy Holidays... *gulp*

Thanksgiving kicked my butt!

I have had two major breakthroughs over the past two weeks. One on the forgiveness front and one on the weight front. Well, not that much on the weight front but revelations are progress.

I really did not do too bad on what I ate for Thanksgiving. For the day, I only gained two pounds. Then came the leftovers. I gained nearly eight pounds during the four days after Thanksgiving.
My Mother-in-law makes amazing stuffing that is probably a weeks worth of calories in two scoops. I happen to love it with a slice of cranberry sauce on top. When she makes it, she makes a large roasting pan full. Now I am not talking the roasting pans you get free with a new oven. I am talking the roasting pans that you buy to roast the turkey in. You know, the ones that are six inches deep! Well she keeps telling me that I am going to learn how to make it. I have been resistant until now since I love it so much. Kind of hard for me to make something and not really be able to eat it. But I have a new logic after this Thanksgiving. Maybe if I am handed the stuffing to make I can cut the recipe in half and not be left with gallons of left overs.

I have a dear friend who I have been talking to who also is struggling with the overwhelming urges to overeat. She asked me about what I thought of the diet I am using. I gave her some tips I have recently came up with. During the conversation, I realized that I am doing that age old trick of mine called "biting off more than I can chew." I told her to change little bits of the diet once a month. As I was describing this, I realized that I am making my self stick to that for too long. I generally cave after the second week and then I barely loose anything for the rest of the month. Well, the clue hammer hit me that I should be changing the little variations in my diet every two weeks. After all, that is how long it take for the average body to adjust to a new intake of whatever (food, medications, etc.). So to keep a loosing streak, I am going to try to keep my body guessing and change it up every two weeks.

This gaining control over what controls you is definitely a learning process.

On the forgiveness front, I also am taking a different approach. Trying to work through my major issue on an affront to myself, I decided to flip the table on myself. I was sliding into a hole and just making myself worse on the path I was on. So, I began to realize that I struggle with forgiveness in general. I have begun to apologize for behaviors of my own that I feel I should have asked for forgiveness for long ago. Things that have embarrassed me for years. Most of it has been either high school or during the time that my mom died. I found that most of these people have a hard time remembering the event I am apologizing for. I am not sure if they are being honest or if they just are trying to be nice somehow or maybe I am embarrassing them by bringing it up again. I don't know, but it has been a real learning process about my faith in others and about how my own soul has been dealing with forgiveness. There are things I may never be able to forgive myself for either due to the other person passing on or I am just not able to let it go yet. I am stubborn as hell and not very forgiving past my tolerance line, no matter who crosses the line, loved one, friend or myself. This has not been an easy thing for me to learn about. I am guessing that is the devil at work making it so hard.

I am going to move forward on my path to becoming the person I want to be. Not everyone is liking the me I am working to become but I feel in my heart that it is what God has asked of me. In that alone, I feel I may make it through this.

Have a good week yourself, and wish me luck!