It has been quite a week or so. My life adjustment goal are all falling flat. Not going away but falling flat. I am feeling rather lost lately.
My step-mom keeps trying to get me to agree that me and my family are loosers. My studies have taken a sharp turn down and are going much slower than they should. My diet is a yo-yo form day to day. And my depression is kicking my butt. I have not made any progress on my forgiveness quest. It has been frustrating.
I failed the last test I took with a MAJOR 51, took it so hard that I slumped into a bad depression spin for two days. I am just now pulling out if it. Vance's benefits package goes into effect in Feb. Which means he will be bringing home less money. I HAVE to be working by then. If I am not done with my studies I am going to have to go back to the retail business. I really do not want to do that.
I did loose a pound again this week. Loosing a pound a week since Thanksgiving week where I gained eight. I guess that is not bed. But I do feel like a bad person and let me explain why. My mother in law nearly had a heart attack last week. They got her to the hospital before a full on infarction could happen. This is great! Her heart is bad, so my father-in-law watches her like a hawk. But I am kind of glad that it happened. Due to this the holiday menu has been changed to something I can manage on my diet. So I am a bit glad my mother-in-law had some heart trouble. Seems so very selfish of me and I feel like a terrible person. But there it is.
I was trying to make plans with one of my friends that I owe an apology too. I think she is coming to town to visit her family but I cannot afford my cell phone bill which is my only way to reliably get in touch with her. I really wanted to apologize in person. She is one of those who is a primarily texting person. I really think she deserves better than a texted apology. She has been my friend since the fourth grade and she deserves better than and abbreviation of an apology.
Right now I am in maintenance mode and am going to try to manage my depression well enough to not be a damper on my Lords birthday party. Baby steps. Just get through Christmas and Henry's birthday and I will not have any other special events until my working deadline. If I can get through to the February deadline then I will have quite a bit of stress off of me. I just hope I can do it holding my head up and not hanging it low.
Until next week! Wish me luck!.
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