In some aspects it has been a good week and in some aspects it has been a bad week. But today, at the end of my week, I feel icky. That is, physically icky.
My biggest struggle is food. That stuff really has a hold on me. I so wish there was a way to not have to eat. I am ready to quit it cold turkey today. I was not doing good to start with this month. Not lost a pound in three weeks. Then I decide to start fresh and I gain two pounds. I ate junk this week. Not nearly as healthy foods as I had been eating and now I feel sick. I am not talking emotionally sick, I mean achy and painful sick. I don't think I have ever done this to myself. A part of me wants to blame it on the health food. It has made my body incapable of handling real food. And then my reality check tells me that deep fried and gravy smothered is not real food. But it still tastes so good.
I seem to be falling back to my old way of eating. Lots of grease and cheese and so long as no one sees me eat it, then it does not count. Right? I am so messed in the head. There is a very loud part of my head right now that wants to run to the corner grocery store and get their country breakfast with two biscuits smothered in about two cups of sawmill gravy and two eggs with four slices of bacon. Then go lay down and watch the entire series of Firefly. The funny thing is, that is wallowing and I have so much exciting everything else that I should be energized and excited about finishing my third course. But because I ate fried chicken and gravy last night, I am all mopey and wanting to disappear today. Grr! Why is food so potent to me! Why do two of my favorite flavors in the universe have to be so bad for me! Why cannot I not just eat what is good for me and enjoy it. It is not like I don't like vegetables and most of the good stuff. But then I get near the junk food when I am in a good mood and WHAM! I eat it and ruin the next few days because I feel like this. *sigh*
I did read my OA inspiration devotionals about three times this week. I am honestly thinking that I need to get back in a group, but I am not sure I really want to start that intense of an adjustment until I am done with my studies. There is already a ton of new life kind of stuff going on right now, I am afraid that I am just going to overwhelm myself and cause all of it to come down.
On the better side of life. I am pounding away at my studies. I finished two units and three anatomy systems since last I blogged! This is great! I have two systems left to finish course three and start on course four! There are only five courses and the fifth course is supposed to be mostly business class kind of stuff. I pick up on that stuff pretty fast. I am hoping a month and a half. I hope to be gainfully employed by Thanksgiving. *mmm thanksgiving* I got in my dictation peddle and it makes life much easier and has really sped up my time. I am averaging around $18 and hour at $0.40 per line. And my error margin is down to about 16%! This is much better than my 28% just two units ago! I think I will do fine. The university is even considering me employable!
I am doing good about church and better about praying. I would like to do something for the church. You know, my contribution. But most of the things I am good at, my church already has an exceptional person taking care of it. I may look into the church bulletin. It is inconsistent and could be improved, but I do not know if I would be insulting someone if I mentioned it.
I did go to the gym once this week. It is better than none. But not as good as three times. My life in concern to this is a try again. I do not seem to be too upset about it though. I did enjoy hopping on the bike, set to fat burn, and reading for 30 min. But I got a lot later start to my studies than I wanted. Time management is awkward about this still. I am wondering if first thing in the morning is good or not. But I do settle into work faster when I do. I am calmer about it too. I just need to keep finding books I like to read and consider it my reading time. Maybe that will work. I mean I will not be able to weight train, but something is better than nothing.
I went out last night with a new friend! She is awesome and cute and does not get frustrated with me when my off-the-wall pop culture references come flying out of my mouth. I had a blast! It was so nice to giggle and talk and all that jazz. And she is interested in maybe doing a wine club with me. I would love to make that a new years thing and actually work through the book I have to learn about wine in a year. Plus she is a gamer too. Granted not a highly experienced gamer, but I can fix that. :) It is amazing how much better you can end up feeling about yourself when you have a friend you feel good about too.
1. Keep improving on my school. *muse found*
2. Find a way to get my butt in the gym three times a week. *new approach to try this week*
3. Put down the damn greasy foods! * no idea how to get inspired about getting my diet in swing again.*
Wish me luck!
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