Life interrupted.

I know, I know, it has been a while since I blogged. This blogging is not all that easy for me. Not to mention, I have miss placed my muse.

As most of you know, my brother's house got a tree through it and he was living with us for a short while. Good news is that the house is fixed and things are pretty much back to normal. The bad news is he and my daughter got each other's last nerve. Oh the drama! I don't want to go into detail but lets just say the two of them have been heavy on my mind and heart since it happened.

Once my brother moved back into his house, my husband lost his job. GREAT! I just quit mine to be home for the kids and finish my studies, then this! On the up side, he got a new one almost instantly. It does not start until Oct 10th but we have enough to get us through. We are without insurance until Jan. Not as much pay but better opportunities and slightly better benefits. So I guess we are starting all over, again.

He took the spare time to build me an office! It is beautiful! Huge boost to the studying drive and my "can do" attitude toward my new career.

You add that to school starting and you have one stretched out woman. I have been able to maintain my weight but have lost a good deal of my "let's do this" attitude. I know I need this for a ton of reasons. But I am  a stress eater and with this many changes in a short time.... Let's just say I would love a grilled cheese sandwich marathon! Followed by and ice cream feast! With my cravings, I should be proud that I have managed to maintain my weight. But I am not. I am disappointed in myself.

I go to the gym about once a week, sometimes not at all. I do not know what is up with that. I am supposed to enjoy it right. I mean, exercise is supposed to be great and up lifting and people just love it. Well I am gonna call shenanigans on that! Exercise is painful and awkward and I am not a fan. I know it is needed.
I am an indoor only kind of girl. Sure, I really enjoyed the beach, in the evening, when not many people were out there. And I love long walks in the woods, when it is not hot or rainy. Lets face it, I am not good at being outside. That is why I joined a gym. Maybe if I can find someone to do it with and does not manage to make me feel more awkward about it, then I might like it. But seriously, doubt that is gonna happen. My step-son has been a good source of encouragement with this but he is 200 miles away and in college. I do not want to bug the shit out of him just to compare workout goals. My brother is doing great with his, but for some reason I feel awkward sharing my workout goals with him. I have no idea why. So this part of my life is struggling more than my diet.

Fortunately, I have gotten much better at getting to church. I do love this part, but I am still lacking in my prayers. I just don't feel that God should be bothered by me when there are so many out there who need him more. Why should I be so special as to get even more blessings? What gives me the right to go asking for more when I have the perfect husband for me, wonderful children, and a good home?
There I go again thinking I know better what God should spend his time doing! This is a difficult concept for me to get planted in my brain. Logically, God is going to do what is right by all those who let him. So go ahead and pray for the guidance and ask for the help. If it is part of his will, it will be done. So why cut him out because he has blessed me in the past. We are not born with so many blessing tokens and that is all we get. God does not ration his love. What gives me the right to ration it for him? Geeze, I can be dense.

So I am on a mission to try and find my muse again. Next week:
1. Find my physical muse: I am going to make an effort to go to the gym at least 3 times.
2. Find my nutritional muse: I am going to pick up my OA devotionals again.
3. Find my prayer muse: I am going to add a prayer after every OA reading.
(Maybe I should try to find an OA group again.)

I am doing good with my studies, and three additional goals seems like a lot to me in regards to life changes. So there I am. Wish me luck!