Here it is again. Darn it.

Hello again!

I suppose I should just get this out in the open. I struggle with mild depression. I feel so silly about it. I have two brothers who are schizophrenic, they have to deal with so much more than I do that it seems ridiculous to me that I struggle with it at all. I mean it really is not all that bad. Sure, I get the stupid thoughts of suicide from time to time but my faith in Jesus and that if I can just get to heaven it will all go away, well I am not messing that one up. I am glad to say I only gave it a stab once and I was a teen at the time so really it was more attention-seeking behavior than depression. But still, compared to having to spend the majority of the day figuring out what is real and what is illness, my little problem of self worth seems so small and insignificant. But it still puts a pretty hard spin on life when you feel like you are a waste of oxygen.

So, I have been struggling with my depression this week. I did not make it to the gym. I barely counted my points for my diet. I have only done one half of a chapter in my studies (I normally do a chapter and a half.) All I really want to do is sew and read but I did not even do much of that either. I mostly ran all over town, wasting gas and trying to outrun myself.

I am going to my brother's for lunch and to see his new furniture. I hope it turns out to be a good visit and our mental issues don't feed off of each other. Nether one of us need that.

Due to this bump in my road, I am going to scale it back from weekly goals to daily goals and just inch along for a while.

Today:
1. Do not over eat.
2. See my brother and try to not cross hairs.
3. Pick up my son from school.
4. Cook dinner.
5. Attend the church outing this evening with my husband.
Wish me luck!