Lost and wondering all over the place.

Hello again. I have completely lost all direction and am trying desperately to pull my head out of my anus and look around again.

Let me go over my triumphant fall from grace. I am now back up to 270 pounds and seem to go on a being at least once a week lately. Not too mention how hard it is to stop eating when I am full. I don't want to stop eating. Eating makes me forget about all the things that bug the total piss out of me about myself. It is when I stop eating that it comes back to me. I seem to have abandoned my quest to become a work-at-home medical transcriptionist. I spend more of my time applying for jobs that never call me in for an interview rather than complete my one practicum and two tests I have to complete to get my cert and start working. Not to mention the placement resources they have for me to use. I cannot even begin to explain that one! My lack of job and determination to complete my job training has required I apply for gov assistance to try and make ends meet. Talk about feeling like hell. Try having to prove that you are not capable of taking care of yourself or your family. That is a real kick to the balls! I guess you could say I let my depression make more depression for myself.

Most all of the family drama is over. Oldest daughter out in the world stirring up God knows what, but I pray for her everyday and keep doing my best to care for the ones I have left to raise. My brother and Hubby are back on talking terms and the game group is back together. Youngest son is showing interest in the games. It might end up being a good exercise to help him learn to focus. I am growing new friendships with women I really enjoy spending time with. So you see there is good going on too.

One day at time. That is what I need to be doing right now. Stop panicking over the really huge picture that I find scary and just pull one "to do" off the top of the list and do that. Worry about the others when I am done with this first task.

Today: Finish paying the bills and start editing my latest attempt at Transcription in hopes that I will transcribe all day tomorrow. Oh! And buy some batteries.